This evening I once again visited a little church near the university. I hesitated to go to Midtown this evening because it isn’t my church. We’ve been attending a non-denom church plant since November, and it is a lovely little church with the kindest people. And yet almost every week I wrestle a little bit with essentials vs. non-essentials. I wish I could 100% be okay in the non-denominational world, but over many years, I have become a person who grows in my faith through calls to worship, confession and assurance, doxologies and benedictions, and a weekly invitation to the Lord’s Table in which something happens spiritually for those who are in Christ.
This little PCA church, which meets on Sunday evenings, is not my church. But it is a place I have come back to from time to time over the years, including once or twice in our church search last year. This month, I’ve visited again, two Sunday afternoons in a row. In a few ways it feels like a home (and in other ways it does not). The liturgy is familiar, organic, and beautiful. The preaching is warm, Reformed, and solid, and there are always quotes from literature sprinkled in the sermon. I know a few people who go there, but not very well. I sit by myself, which feels a bit strange, but also is just fine.
Tonight this congregation was led, as they are weekly, in a time of confession both guided and quiet reflection. Then before the words of assurance were pronounced, we sang a short and simple Sandra McCracken song.
Have mercy on me
Have mercy on me
O Lord, have mercy
O Lord, have mercy
O help my unbelief
O help my unbelief
O Lord, have mercy
O Lord, have mercy
As much as I tried to fight it, tears sprang out of my eyes. Presbyterian churches, unlike the charismatic churches of my younger years, do not have tissue boxes on their pews. Therefore, I wiped my face with the back of my hand until I could find a tissue in my purse following the assurance of pardon and as we moved into a time of prayers of the people.
O Lord, have mercy.
I didn’t have some deep, dark sin to confess today, but I did confess with my heart and my voice with those in the room: “Lord, forgive us. We are blind to our own brokenness, yet focused on the failings of others. We are deaf to the cries of those who need us, numb to the need of those who hurt. We are silent when words are needed, impotent when action is required. Lord, hear our anguish, pity our brokenness, speak life and forgiveness to our weary souls. Amen.”
The Lord has had mercy on me. He continues to have mercy on me. Sometimes my unbelief creeps in – not unbelief that there isn’t a God or that Jesus didn’t live, die, and rise again – but unbelief that He is speaking life to our weary souls.
I don’t know what to do with all my wrestling. I don’t know how much to talk about my tertiary doctrinal issues and convictions. Should a person go to two different churches? Ideally, no. And so I sat by myself and wiped my eyes while singing, “O Lord, have mercy.”
We moved from assurance of pardon to singing “Jesus Shall Reign (Psalm 72)”, which is a hymn I only learned when I was homeschooling my sons. It was one of the list of AO hymns, and I ended up loving it. Singing the familiar words of the first verse was a balm to my soul, as were the rest of the verses upon rereading them this evening.
Jesus reigns. He is worshipped by all kinds of people, all kinds of churches. Infants and prisoners give him praise. “The weary find eternal rest, and all the sons of want are blessed.”
This is so timely and beautiful. I have a friend ,a dear sister in Christ ,who exited my life with no explanation. She is from an Independant Fundamentalist Baptist church whose doctrine does not allow for differences and are told to cut off others who are solid in the body of Christ who do not hold to their fundamental and I have to say some extra biblical additions. I was able to close the door tonight with these words.
As I’ve prayed through this, certain Scriptures have stayed with me. Jesus’ prayer in John 17 has been especially present, where He asks the Father that His people “may all be one.” Paul’s words in Ephesians 4:4–6 remind me that there is one Body and one Spirit, one Lord, one faith, one baptism. Romans 14 has helped me remember that believers are not to despise or judge one another over disputable matters, because we will all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. And in 1 Corinthians 12, Paul says that the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” because we belong to one Body. It’s Ok to love one and love the other as well.
Beautiful. I can relate.
This is so timely and beautiful. I have a friend ,a dear sister in Christ ,who exited my life with no explanation. She is from an Independant Fundamentalist Baptist church whose doctrine does not allow for differences and are told to cut off others who are solid in the body of Christ who do not hold to their fundamental and I have to say some extra biblical additions. I was able to close the door tonight with these words.
As I’ve prayed through this, certain Scriptures have stayed with me. Jesus’ prayer in John 17 has been especially present, where He asks the Father that His people “may all be one.” Paul’s words in Ephesians 4:4–6 remind me that there is one Body and one Spirit, one Lord, one faith, one baptism. Romans 14 has helped me remember that believers are not to despise or judge one another over disputable matters, because we will all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. And in 1 Corinthians 12, Paul says that the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” because we belong to one Body. It’s Ok to love one and love the other as well.